Changes: Richard Von Kono

Revision as of 00:41, 10 February 2023

This page is a Work In Progress.

WARNING: Editing, moving, deleting, or changing this page in any way without the author's permission will result in a one-month ban.

For more information, see here: Dementor, Kiss, History, Azkaban, Island, Cemetery.

Sources of inspiration: Hunted.

This is a fanfiction of the Harry Potter series, with credits to their author J.K.Rowling. WARNING: This is a horror story. Contains descriptions of sadism, physical and mental torture, trauma, and souls literally being destroyed. DO NOT read unless you are certain you can stomach such scenes. There is some swearing too, either quoted from the original series or added in accordance with a character's personality. Sex descriptions are mild and present only in the works of user Not Yet Dead that have been transcribed into this article — skip it if it does not suit you

Ever wonder what Dementors think? What they do to pass the time when they're not on manhunts or aiding in secret jailbreak plots?

((Do dementors have their own swear words??))

Author's Notes

Some of the people's names in here have been purposely misspelt. This is because no one told the protagonist how to spell them correctly.

I'm still trying to figure out how a blind creature is able to write in the first place. Maybe it can't, and I'll have to change the title to something like Narration of a Dementor or The Adventures of 12-6 the Dementor. Also, I'm still trying to decide whether I should write it in 17th-century-style English (thereby assuming Dementors retain their babyhood memories) or modern English, which would mean that the update their language as they hear it.

I'm still trying to figure out how many disambiguations I should put into this story. Too few and the readers won't understand it; too many and it would not make sense for a protagonist who was writing for themselves alone. Alternatively, I could say that the protagonist was writing for the benefit of someone else, most likely someone who was not a dementor and would therefore require more detailed explanations, but the problem is: Who could that have been? Dementors don't befriend any creature that is not of their own kind, and, honestly, most of them don't exactly make friends with each other either.

The ((words in double brackets)) are temporary notes by The Slimy Stump. The Italics that come after the preface are footnotes.

Two possibilities: 1: dementors have squads, fixed duties, and leaders who are their spokespeople, or 2: they don't have any of these things, take turns at doing all their duties, and when it comes to talking to wizards they all talk together, possibly in unison.

It's dead depressing. The Dementors are a strange fusion of souls and their former bodies, now corpses. Neither living nor dead. Only, they're supposed to be one or the other. They were once humans. Now they're transforming other humans; maybe they transformed Ekrizdis too. I wonder they don't hate each other. I wonder they never fight over food or over other things.

My Theories: Why do dementors Kiss humans? Because they want to reproduce. Why? Because they want there to be more dementors. Why? Because they wish to add the new dementors to their ranks, like the sluagh do. Why? Because they're building an army? What use would that be? None when wizards force them to stop Kissing humans. But what do they want to go on trying for? Maybe they're just jealous of humans who aren't trapped in eternal purgatory,,like nasty students who steal the notebooks of good students. Oh 🙁. Or maybe they hadn't given up hope of forming an army to take down the wizards. What use is that when the wizards can control the magically? Oh I don't know, maybe it's just some kind of forlorn hope. Or maybe they just want to give those bullying humans a taste of the torture they endure.

I'm gonna refer to Dementors by the pronouns they were refered to by as humans, hence all early Dementors are "he/him" but later ones are a mixture of "he" and "she". Let's see how this works out.

Characters

((Note: All Dementors are, to some degree, mentally traumatized by the horrors they experienced prior to becoming Dementors. In most of them, this trauma doesn't show as much as you might expect, because the process of transformation from human to Dementor involves losing all but the worst of one's memories, so what little Dementors can remember of their past lives seems to have been nothing but horrible, therefore they cannot be expected to properly regret losing those lives. "Happy-go-lucky" 12-4 is an excellent example of this trait, but 20-5 and 51-4 are exceptions to it, as is 1-1, aka Ekrizdis, you might say))

12-6, aka "Socrates", "Notebook", and "Longsword": Former high-security guard, protagonist and author of Diary of a Dementor. Formerly the captain of an unnamed merchant ship, he and his crew were among the first Muggle sailors to be abducted by Ekrizdis. His name, like the names of all these unfortunates, has been lost. Exceptionally intelligent for a Dementor, 12-6 has come up with one new idea after another, including keeping a journal and fighting with weapons — that is, they were new ideas from the Dementors' perspective. Was the captain of his squad ((possibly, if most Dementors have the concept of leaders)), and was therefore portrayed as a leaderlike character, considering himself responsible for all the Azkaban Dementors and able to organize them into fighting forces. Compared to his fellows, 12-6 was more prudent and also possessed a more refined version of sadism, as shown when he chose to throw a woman into a lake to drown after he discovered he couldn't get her mouth open — though that may also have been an attempt to get her soul as it came out of her body. ((P.S. I think his theme song should be Lonely Warrior! Weird, huh?))

12-4: An unusually emotional Dementor who at times possessed an unusually powerful aura of gloom and despair. 12-4 is depicted as chatty and so outgoing that he actually tried to make new friends. He also liked to explore new places and even to take 12-6, whom he considered his best friend, along when he did so, much to the bemusement of the latter. 12-6 described 12-4 as clingy, but he also cared for the other weirdo Dementor. However, 12-4's chattiness was what ended up letting Sirius Black know that Dementors did not know or really care that Sirius transformed into a dog, which gave him the information he needed to form a plan of escape. 12-4 took his escape as a personal responsibility due to his accidental dereliction of duty, which made him very determined to recapture the escapee. After the Dementors were captured, 12-4 appears to have made an effort to comfort his fellows, but one that was ill-appreciated due to their general inability to actually feel hope.

11-2, aka "Zeph": Formerly a Dementor grave-digger who wielded a huge shovel. Was probably the important character closest in personality and demeanor to the stereotype Dementor, 11-2 was reckless, violent, and violently sadistic, delighted in giving the Dementor's Kiss, and fell in love with weapons-fighting after 12-6 showed him how. Was a primary fighter in the Dementors' last resistance against Ministry agents. Favorite weapon was his shovel.

20-5: A former low-security guard who, unlike his fellows, was seemingly unable to even temporarily let go of memories of their horrendous past. 20-5 was impassive, generally obedient, and depressing even by Dementor standards. He came up with the idea of burying prisoners who had died, in memory of what all of them once had.

51-4: Similar to 20-5, 51-4 was unable to forget the Dementors' early days, but in his case this obsession has translated into an unrelenting hatred of the human species. 51-4 would gladly kill — or Kiss — every human on Earth given half a chance. ((Frankly, it might not be a good idea to include a character who is basically a Dementor version of The Last Centonibus. Because, as with Siren Head, I'd have to explain why 51-4 hasn't tried to kill all of humanity yet, and I have no idea!))

1-1, aka "Ekrizdis": Original creator of the Dementors of Azkaban and transformed into a Dementor himself after he died of a brain tumor ((or some other disease that he was not aware of until it killed him)), 1-1 was the most hated Dementor in Azkaban. Unable to harm him due to Dementors' invulnerability to physical injury, and no more able to banish him than escape from Azkaban themselves, Ekrizdis's former victims were forced to endure his presence, and expressed their displeasure by giving him the very watchful cold shoulder, 24-7, every day of the year, for over 300 years. 1-1 considered himself to be above the other Dementors, was filled with baleful resentment due to this "switch" of roles, and was constantly on the lookout for an opportunity to undermine the Dementors. He has never found such an opportunity, due to all their fates being too interinvolved.

((Alternatively, the Dementors did banish Ekrizdis to the mainland — presumably the European mainland — where he was found by (the German wizard?) Raczidian and was used by the other Dark wizard as the seed for his horde of Dementor servants))

701-21: A very new edition to 12-6's gang, produced during their 6-month-long exile, 701-21 was not yet fully grown when the gang was finally captured. Appears to have once been a girl still in her childhood. ((I'm sorry! I just want to give an example of a "baby" Dementor!))

The Kraken: A colossal version of the Giant Squid at Hogwarts, the Kraken of Azkaban had been living below the island for even longer than the Dementors had been living on it. Appears to have liked to cause a bit of mayhem now and then, and also liked to play with human bones. It did not like it when other creatures barged into its caves, be these creatures Dementors, humans, or Lobalugs (their sucking mouths weer so itchy!).

12-6's Backstory

((This is 12-6's backstory, and the prequel to Diary of a Dementor. It has not been included in the story proper because 12-6 is so terrified of his own past that it's trying with all its might to forget it. I'm trying to find a way of including it.))

Imagine this. You are a captain of a merchant ship in the sixteenth century. You are on a voyage importing goods from France to England. It is late afternoon, and ominous clouds are building behind you at an alarming speed. You order all hands on deck to ready the ship for the oncoming storm, but they are scarcely halfway through the preparations when the storm strikes. ((And quickly does a lot of damage to the ship. Details when I figure out more about sailing)) The storm continues for hours. The men are dismayed. The ship has suffered ((a leak?)) and is on the verge of ((capsizing?)). You search desperately for any sign of ((land? But wouldn't a ship be dashed to pieces?)) a harbor, while all the time you know that you are too far from any land. Suddenly, there is a shout from one of the men. You turn your eyes and there, from beyond all hope, is a light, burning dimly through the rain far ahead. It remains in one spot, rather than pitching like a ship's lantern would. But surely there is no land anywhere near this place? You have no choice; you must either seek this shelter or infallibly perish on the sea. You order the ship to turn around and make for this light. Steering a ship through a storm such as this is nearly impossible. Many times, it seems as though the wind and the waves would carry the ship past the island, but every time you and your men manage to return it to its ((should I call ship "her"? Ha ha)) course. The light draws nearer, and now you can make out that is set high above the water as though it were the light of a lighthouse. Nearer still, and now you can make out the dim outlines of that lighthouse, as well as the mass of dark rocks that it rests upon. But there does not seem to be any harbor, and the last thing you want is for your ship to become grounded… The thought has barely crossed your mind when suddenly, the water becomes completely, absolutely still. ((why no foghorn? Cave. Sea and air suddenly calm. Ekrizdis makes big entry.)) You can see only a jutting nose, chin, and cruelly smiling mouth beneath the hood.

Preface

On January 7th, 1999, two days after the arrest and subsequent imprisonment of the last of the Dementors, former guards of Azkaban prison, this manuscript was discovered upon the person of former high security guard 12-6, and subsequently confiscated, along with a half-full bronze inkpot and a worn quill. This manuscript, written by 12-6 itself upon a paperback notebook which had been used by its original owner (name unknown) to record shopping prices, provided new and unexpected insight into events between the years 1981 and 1999. Prior to the discovery of this manuscript, it was unknown that any dementor was possessed of literary abilities. After being held in classification for six months by the Ministry Dpartment of Mysteries, it was finally permitted to be published to the wizarding public, under the title Diary of a Dementor . This manuscript has been combed over for errors in spelling and grammar by a member of the Unspeakables who wishes to remain anonymous, but has otherwise been printed in its original state. Said Unspeakable has also provided certain footnotes for those readers who are less familiar with magipneumatology.

Images provided by ((photographer OC)).

1981

February 23

This is called a Diary. It's a notebook in which a person writes about what goes on in their daily life so they don't forget it later. Humans write in them, and I must admit, it's an ingenious idea. I confiscated this notebook from a prisoner who just came in so I could write a Diary too. It might help me keep more of my memories next time I Split*. If I get to Split again someday, that is, if I ever get assigned to administer a Kiss ((Dementors probably have their own name for this, such as "the Gift", as in to "give" sb a kiss. But until I can think of what it is, I'll keep calling it the Dementor's Kiss))….

* Splitting appears to refer to the process by which Dementors reproduce. Dementors are able to split after consuming a human soul. After a Split, each new Dementor inherits part of its predecessor's memories.

February 24

I'll write down what I am like now so I won't forget later:

Height: 12 feet

Age: 300 years?

Address: Azkaban Prison, North Sea

Number: 6

Squad: 12

Rank((if acknowledged)): Head of the High Security Guards

February 28

I don't know what to write in here… my life* is so monotonous. How about I introduce my home, or the place where I've lived for the past 3 centuries at any rate. Or maybe I'll just make a list of what I do every day.

What I do every day:

Take food in
Take out chamber pots
Lose the keys (that happened just yesterday. But it doesn't happen every day! I only included it to make the list longer)
Bring Prisoners in
Take Prisoners out (ugh)

* Dementors are non-beings and therefore neither living nor dead. The use of the word "life" here is presumably metaphoric, meaning "existence".

March 3

I said I'd introduce Azkaban. I'd better get to it. ((Problem: can you get up the nerve to write about that horrid place, 12-6?))

((I think that place is completely devoid of all visible life above the water line - except for humans. But 12-6 doesn't know that an island can be any other way, so it would honestly be quite surprised if it encountered an island with gulls, seaweed, etc, on it))

November 1

We received a new charge today. His name is Serious Black*. He's a high-security prisoner, but we've had to put him in one of the level 3 cells because all the dungeons are full. All the cells except the dungeons didn't used to be for holding prisoners; they were laboratories and storerooms and whatnot that the wizards simply fitted barred doors onto. Yes, they've enlarged the inside of the tower with magic, but for some reason all that did was make more rooms identical to the ones already there. Long story short, we're always short of empty dungeons. To make up for the deficiency, the Warden's sent my entire squad to guard Serious's door.

* Sirius Black.

November 2

That Serious Black is one strange wizard. First of all, he's so impassive it's creepy (that's the word 12-4 uses). Second of all, he seems to vanish at odd moments, usually during the waking hours.

November 18

Bartimus Crouch died today. ((Squads 11 and 12 ate his soul)) 11-2, 20-3 and 20-9 buried him.

((What's weird is that apparently the dementors weren't ordered by the Ministry to bury dead prisoners, as Minister Diggory was surprised by the presence of a cemetery on Azkaban. So did sb else give the dementors that order, or was it their own idea? If the latter case is true, why would they want to bury the dead? Is this really *quote "the only humane thing that dementors do"? If it is voluntary, they probably won't dig up the graves to throw the bones to the Kraken after all. Is this their way of missing what they once had?))

December 19

Our old neighbor the Kraken's acting up again. This morning we heard echoing roars and thumps coming from below the island. So now the grave-diggers have got to toss a few bones from the cemetery down to it to appease it. They'll wait till nightfall to do it in case the prisoners see them; the Ministry probably wouldn't like it if they found out we're digging the graves back up.

The Kraken's been active around Azkaban for who-knows how long. At least as long as me and everyone I know has been here. I guess it lives in the caverns below the island. That creature is HUGE, big enough to swamp the entire island if it got into a wax. So we have to do everything we can think of to stop that from happening.

((Funny fact: I really want dementors to go underwater. Can they swim, or at least not need to breathe? I mean their "rattling breathing" is actually them sucking on memories, not air, right? I'd love it if 12-4 dragged 12-6 off on an underwater escapade into the caverns below the island where the Kraken and other stuff live, LOL! Only, it's so difficult to imagine dementors having fun. 12-6 had no idea what the point was))

((When underwater, dementors probably move by hovering a few inches over the seabed, just like they do in air. When going down steep places, e.g. cliffs, walls, they probably just float off the edge and down. As for going up steep places, as there is no description of the of them being able to jump or fly any higher than a few inches, I assume they would climb up using their arms, like in that picture of dementors clinging to the Hogwarts Express. It's just that, I think that they either don't have legs or are unable to use them))

1993

((Written by CHT64, transcribed by Slimy))

July 24

In the darkest, deepest, most depressing section of Azkaban, Sirius Black paced back and forth on the filthy gray floor of his cell. The rattling breath of forty dementors ((too many. They wouldn't all fit outside a cell door. I say there were no more than 10)) echoed around him, making the prison feel even gloomier and colder than it already was. Sighing, Sirius sat down on the ugly straw mattress that was supposed to be his bed. Honestly, you couldn’t even call this a bed, he thought. There were loose bits of straw sticking out at odd angles all around the mattress and it was itchy and lumpy. Well, it was better than nothing, and nothing was the only alternative. In Azkaban, every day was a nightmare. The same, boring food, the same, boring cell, the same penetrating cold, the same dull moans of the other prisoners around him as they fought endlessly against the pain and suffering that the dementors brought everywhere with them. As Sirius sat on his lousy excuse for a bed, he closed his eyes and concentrated on one thought: I am innocent. I am innocent. I am innocent… Several minutes passed like this, focusing on this one thought, until a different sound brought him back to his senses. Sirius looked up, unsure what to expect, and came face to face with the Minister of Magic. "H-hello, Black!" said Fudge, a bit nervously. "Er- hello. I don't mean to be rude, sir, but why are you here?" Sirius answered, looking surprised. "On an inspection of Azkaban, nothing of big importance. Just thought I'd come see how you're doing. Horrible, those dementors, aren't they? Don't know how you stand it..." Sirius shrugged. "Have you finished with your newspaper, sir? It's been years since I last read one. Miss doing the crossword. Funny, how they never seem to run out of ways to stump you." Fudge looked bewildered for a moment, then glanced down at the newspaper he clutched absentmindedly in one hand. "Oh yes, the Prophet. Take it, I daresay you'll be needing something to keep you busy… But alas, I must be off. Plenty to do, you know... can't be here all day..." With that, he slipped the Daily Prophet in between the bars of the prison cell and was off. Sirius flipped through the Daily Prophet, looking for something to catch his eye. Something about a famous witch's birthday party, a few ads on love potions, the Quidditch scores for a recent match… He turned the page, uninterested. MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEE SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE, read the next headline. Boring. Underneath the article was a picture showing a large family with seven kids and a fat rat with a missing toe. A fat rat with a missing toe… Sirius stood up suddenly. No… it couldn't be… He looked at the black-and-white image again. But it had to be. He was sure of it. After all, how many times had he seen him transform? Breathing very quickly, Sirius turned back to the article and read it through carefully. The family in the picture were the Weasleys, a name that sounded vaguely familiar to him. And their children would be attending Hogwarts… but of course… where Harry was. A wave of red-hot anger rushed through Sirius's veins as he crumpled up the newspaper into a tight ball and flung it forcefully into a corner of his cell. The traitor. The cowardly traitor. I trusted you, Peter Pettigrew. I trusted you. He said the last words out loud, spitting out the rat's name like it were poison. It was because of him that Sirius was now stuck here, whiling away the hours in a gloomy cell in Azkaban. It was because of him that two of his best friends were dead, their house blown to pieces by the wizard who had cast the curse that ended their lives. And it was because of him that their son would grow up without the love and support of his parents, isolated from the wizarding world with no knowledge of the life he could've had. It was because of these things that Sirius swore to himself, under his breath, that he would get revenge even if it was the last thing he ever did.

July 30

He's at Hogwarts… he's at Hogwarts… The rat with the missing toe haunted his dreams. Plotting to kill the last of the Potters, poking out his whiskery snout in the hopes of news of his master, bowing before Voldemort. The fateful day twelve years ago replayed itself again and again in his mind, as clear as ever. And Sirius could bear it no longer. Later that night, he sat, waiting, in the form of a shaggy black dog. Counting down the minutes until he could escape. He felt the emotions draining from his surroundings as a dementor opened the door, bearing a tray of soggy, flavorless food… Sirius slipped out, through the bars, and ran. He didn't slow down until he reached the entrance, and he didn’t look back. His legs shaking slightly, Sirius walked through the doors to the prison. It was his first time seeing daylight in twelve years. They had been the worst twelve years of his life. After allowing himself a few breaths of fresh air, Sirius leapt from the jagged rock surrounding the prison into the icy water below. Hogwarts, here I come.

((CHT64's work ends here))

July 24

The Minister came on a visit today. He's a pretty small man*. When he got to Serious's cell he stopped for a chat, and gave him one of those stacks of written papers that tell you what has happened lately in places you don't live.

* Based on the analysis of various pieces of text, the sizes of people mentioned refer to their strength of character, rather than their physical sizes. Hence, a "small" man is a man with a weak character.

July 28

((Sirius "cries over his buddies' picture"))

July 30

((Sirius escapes, but dementors don't notice for at least several hours))

August 1

I can't believe it! Serious Black is gone!!!!! He's not in his cell, he's not in the corridors, he's not on the island! He's simply gone!! Why didn't I notice he was gone?? I last remember him having one of his mindless periods, and then 12-4 opened his door to bring him his food, and then he seemed to suddenly go unconscious. We didn't think it was anything at the time, but then it got too quiet. Finally 12-3 went into his cell to check and Serious wasn't there!! He must have snuck out when 12-4 opened the door. But how come we didn't notice??

Fudge arrived just now. He was as confused at Serious's escape as I'd felt. He asked us some questions.

"Did he say anything? Any person's name, for instance, or any place names?"

"Yes. He's been saying the same thing in his sleep ever since your last visit. 'He's at Hogwarts, he's at Hogwarts, he's at Hogwarts' He said it over and over again."

"Oh! That's, well, that's definitely useful…"

So, squads 1, 2, 3, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 20 are going to search for Serious. And believe me, we're not going to bring him back.

((Fudge comes to Azkaban, all flustered. Asks dementors for clues; they tell him Sirius has been talking in his sleep. They insist on going to hunt for him, and Fudge thinks, Well, at least they're enthusiastic enough…(Yes! F6 knew what Fudge was thinking! Dementors possess powers of Leginimancy toward humans) The infamous hundred sets out that night. The total number of dementors in Azkaban at the time was probably several thousand))

August 1

We're off. I think 12-4 thinks it's its fault Serious escaped. I told it I don't think it was. Because I don't think it was.

August 2

((It's all so new. Towns (lots of buildings all together), trains (moving boxes??), etc))

August 31

We've been searching for 27 days and still not a trace of Serious Black. Going from town to town and searching railways and broomsheds and all sorts of other places; it's all the same whenever we go, because everyone locks themselves tight in the buildings and doesn't show a peep. And our captain (who is a wizard) isn't feeding us properly. This is only adding to my grudge against that Serious Black!!

September 1

Today, Hogwarts, that school Black kept mentioning, opened, and squads 12 and 13 were sent to search the school's train. We stopped them at sundown, then we each took a car and began to search, compartment by compartment. I didn't find Black or any leads. Then when I got to the last compartment I found five humans, one asleep. (("I want a snack")) But I had barely started on those memories when the sleeping one stood up and pulled his wand on me. Then his Patronus hit me full in the face. ((I wish you had punched Lupin's wand hand before he cast it and made use of your inhuman strength! It's so annoying that I can't use this sort of idea more often because this isn't an AU.))

15 minutes later we left the train. Nobody had found Serious. Now we're to head to the Hogwarts building and get there before the train does.

September 2

We're at Hogwarts. It's a whopping great building, a "castle" they call it, that's even bigger than Azkaban. It's got a long wall all round it, and here's the annoying part: we're not allowed inside that wall. ((Dumbledore won't let them in. 12-4 recalls a Dumbledore (stupid complex surname!) who used to be in Azkaban. That was Percival. Is this Dumbledore that one's grandson? (mistake ha ha ha)))

November 1

((Sirius breaks into castle as human 1st time. Dementors sense him but aren't allowed to search for him. SO annoying))

November 14

DementorGatecrash — The Dementors' Gatecrash

((Grim Defeat. Dementors get too hungry and have impromptu gatecrash, and get blasted by Dumbledore's Patronus. I highly doubt that they were given leave to recover. Did you know Hogwarts gets its food and other supplies delivered by train? Perhaps the Dementors had to wait for the entrance of the supply wagon or other transportation device to break into the school. Or maybe they just squeezed through the bars of the gates))

1994

February

((Sirius breaks into castle as human 2ed time. Dementors sense him but aren't allowed to search for him. SO annoying))

June 1

It's so hot today. I wish we had a roof over our heads. Most of us have headaches. We're standing outside the gates when Black has already appeared in the castle twice. It's ridiculous!

((I am accepting Harry's hypothesis that dementors can't survive for long in bright sunshine, and that even British sunshine gives them a headache. Said headache will last all June, impairing the quality of 12-6's writing))

June 28

((Attack at Lake. Sirius breaks into castle grounds as human 3rd time. Dementors decided to take unauthorized action this time because Wizards Are Stupid. 12-6 tries to Kiss Harry because he is a damn Patronus caster and he's trying to stop them from Kissing Black. Idk who tried to Kiss Black and Granger. The future Harry's stag shows up and dementors flee back to entrances. I wish Hermione had used her Time-Turner here; you are not under obligation to obey laws when your soul is in danger. Hey, I wonder if dementors can use Time-Turners?? They definitely don't have to worry about accidentally killing their past or future selves!!))

Macnair's just been here. He told us Serious has been captured and we can Kiss him! Oh FINALLY!!

June 29

Black was finally captured, we were finally allowed to Kiss him and get some reward for standing outside this stupid castle for an entire year, we'd gotten to the castle gates, and what happens? Those idiotic wizards let him escape AGAIN!!!! And this time he's left no clues behind! And now they're telling us we have to return to Azkaban immediately, no matter what! Are they kidding?? How are we going to catch Serious now????

July 1

Even though Black's still on the loose, it's still just such a relief to be out of the sun and not be so hungry, even if it meant returning to Azkaban…

July 3

They tell us Black has been spotted someplace southeast of Hogwarts. So now the hunt's on again. And the next time I'm lay hands on that Serious, I'm not going to wait, not even ONE SINGLE SECOND.

July 5

Another hot day. We still don't have any leads on Black's whereabouts, so, we're scouring the country over again.

1995

June 28

((Fudge summons 11-2 to him with instrctions to Kiss the man in the room (Barty Jr.) as though he, Fudge, were not in control. 11-2 agrees and is so excited. Later it tells 12-6 about this.))

August 21

((Umbridge sends 12-6 & 11-2 to Little Wingington to attack Harry. They return and report failure, but she doesn't get mad because she's arranged this to be a win-win plan))

"Well?" she asked.

11-2 turns and says, "His Patronus certainly hasn't gotten any weaker."

A pause, and yet she's still cheerful. "Very well. You're dismissed. Go."

We left.

1996

April 30

((The mass breakout of 10 Death Eaters. The dementors played their part simply by not "sucking" the 10 as hard as before))

((Written by Not Yet Dead, translated and transcribed by Slimy))

Azkaban, 1996. A dementor is making an entry in its diary. The quill drifts over to the roll of parchment and pours out its ink, the flowing words recording what the dementor has witnessed as of late. The undeveloped state of its mind evidently limits its understanding of human emotions -- it is writing down an objective record of what it has witnessed lately.

Let us read it from the beginning:

1996-06-18

There's a new batch of wizards here today, and one of them is really beautiful. According to my colleague, his name is Lucius Malfoy. Merlin's white net socks! I wouldn't want the conditions here to make him ugly. So I played every trick in the book to try to convince my seniors not to go looking for this Malfoy, who was so good-looking -- especially with his long platinum hair -- that I figured it wouldn't bother him to float around ten metres away.

... Well, I regret it.

This is just another idiot.

He howled the name "Severus!" eighteen times in a mere three minutes.

I'm going to throw up. ((Maybe Love smells/tastes terrible to a dementor?))

1996-07-20

The wife who Beauty the Blockhead has been howling for finally came to see him. ((Yes, the protagonist has a misconception that Snape is Lucius's wife))

Thank goodness. Even seeing them doing squalid stuff is better than listening to Lucius's wailing echoing all the way down the corridor. I was once an active, hard-working dementor, but for the past month I've been playing Xue Zhiqian on repeat on NetEase.

Sure enough, his wife was pretty, too. All dressed in black, with a face as stiff as a board, swooping around like a big bat. He suits my taste.

But he seemed to worry a little too much for that blockhead Lucius Malfoy. Normally, a mature Dark wizard wouldn't need help moving all his home furnishings into Azkaban. And he certainly wouldn't need someone to boil him a big box of tranquilizers and then promise to return within the next week.

Lucius isn't a total blockhead. For instance, for a true pure-blood wizard, his resistance of my species is fairly good. But he must lie in the arms of "his Severus" pretending to be Juliet, and complain of the ill effects of my presence on him.

And his wife believed him.

I'm really going to throw up.

1996-12-25

Beauty's wife came to spend Christmas with him.

Bloody hell... Azkaban must just happen to be the perfect habitat for him, because Lucius is looking better than when he arrived six months ago! I swear the prison is not equipped with mistletoe — how has perfectly good wandless magic been misused to such a degree?!

I'm shaking with anger.

The Big Bat doesn't look very happy these days, and hem of his robes are swishing more exaggeratedly than ever. But he still put his arm round Lucius's neck when he kissed him.

That's it, I threw up.

I wandered in with a mind to exact revenge, and Lucius went on pretending to be Juliet per usual. "His Severus" threw a Patronus at me. Sure enough, it was a damn white peacock. It even had the same expression on its face. I was caught off guard and got pecked repeatedly. See you, bastards.

I hope the Bat gets his man out of here soon. Lucius may be handsome, but I sure don't want to see him anymore.

1996-02-14

Of course they wouldn't miss such an important festival. I made a huge mistake by not finding another Dementor to relive me of duty today.

Lucius had written the Bat an eight-foot love letter and insisted that he accept his master ring.… I hate men who like to read their love letters. Are all Dark wizards so besotted? Bah. I thought that stupid dog a dozen years ago who cried every day over the picture of his buddies was sick enough. The essence of humans truly is inhumaness.

Should I remind them that we're not allowed to have daytime sex in this prison? Forget it. The Bat will use Expecto Patronum, and there's nothing more dangerous than a Dark wizard when he doesn't get his own way.

Hey, they're wheezing. I need my headphones. Bye.

1996-06-01

Called in sick today, because Big Bat couldn't spend even Children's Day without that blonde idiot.

I strongly object to adult wizards who do R-rated things on a festival for baby wizards. Yuck.

Azkaban is not a theme hotel. Thank you.

1996-06-18

Someone just got out of prison, and he didn't forget to give me a smug smile before he left. Darn it, he looked absolutely radiant!

I hate it, but I hope they don't show up again.

They seriously ought to get married. (Bzzzzz)

For the first time, I actually admire these human emotions.

This story has an Easter egg, which is a very unexpected sequel.

((Not Yet Dead's work ends here))

June 20

Finally! We're out of Azkaban!

November 23

1997

September 14

((Golden trio infiltrate MoM, Stun Umbridge & Yaxley, banish all Dementors present with Patronuses. Dementors don't Kiss U & Y even though one just tried to Kiss Mrs. Cattermole. Perhaps they can't Kiss shortly after an encounter with Patronuses. No dementors aren't blamed for incident; wizards assume they're too simple-minded for complex blame))

September 15

((Assuming Sept. 14 narrations are null, this narration is about: Harry runs across breeding Dementors in market town. Escapes. How rude!))

1998

January 1

New Year. The past year has been the best year I can remember.

April 25

I can't believe it: they've sent us to Hogsmeade!! After all this time and we're back in this place. Only this time we're locked up in the houses most of the time. One time when they did let us out, I found 12-4 standing in an alleyway and emitting that powerful aura. Then I remember that this is the alleyway where 12-4 vanished one night, and then 11-2 smashed that living rock to bits… At least, I think it was a living rock. I stood behind 12-4 for a while, then told it the Death Eaters were calling for us. 12-4 came along all right. I never did understand that relationship, but 12-4 has always been strange. I think it gets its aura from this ability to ~~get really caught up in things~~ be emotional???? I swear, sometimes, if I didn't know any better, I'd think it was a human.

June 30

((Battle of Hogwarts))

July 1

I'm currently hiding in a cleft in the mountains north of Hogsmeade. With me are 12-2, 16-5, and a few others. Oh the past night and day have gone so wrong.

September 13

I swear, ever since Voldemort died, it's been Patronus casters up the wazoo in this country.

((What's so odd about this part is that the dementors were living like outlaws on the run from law enforcement. And yet, during this time they had more freedom than they had ever had ever since becoming dementors, and that they would never have so much freedom again))

November 11

We came across two wizards today. One of them tried to cast a Patronus at us, but I'd seen that magicless boy throw a rock at a bird and knock it dead yesterday, so I tried it myself. I threw my inkpot at his wand hand and broke his wand clean in two! And then he had nothing left to throw at us! This has given me so many ideas. What if we could find a way fight Patronuses? Other magic doesn't affect us. If we could just deal with the Patronuses - we'd be unstoppable.

1999

January 1

Dementors resistance — The Dementors' Last Stand

((12-6's gang return to Azkaban, prepare for battle, fight Ministry agents, and lose. This is the place where I wish they could use Shield Cloaks, longswords, Time-Turners (??!!), shovels, rocks, and Ekrizdis's old torture devices which the dementors had stowed in the cellars of Azkaban over 300 years ago on Ministry orders))

((Dementors were captured possibly after catastrophic failure of plan to use Shield Cloaks against Patronuses. Were surrounded by Patronuses and driven away while screaming at the wizards, demanding to be released, one Ministry agent recalls. At least one agent was killed in struggle, either by Ekrizdis tool or by sheer accident e.g. rebounding spell from comrade, falling and hitting head))

Became ever more trapped

As the centuries passed

Three hundred years later

They've caught us at last

We were done for from the start

((Poem I wrote in a weird moment))

January 2

It's over. They've caught us. They're not letting us out never ever ever

I don't know where we are it's some dungeon. And they're never letting us out never never never

January 6

It's coming back its happening again its starting its starting

January 7

It's satring* starting

no no NO NO NO NO N*

* Starting.

* Here, the notebook was Summoned away from 12-6 by an Unspeakable during a routine check. The Dementor appears to have been reliving its past, possibly the process by which it was transformed into a Dementor.

Epilogue

So ends Diary of a Dementor . ((And what happened to the dementors? I think they were all locked up in some room in the Department of Mysteries. There, they became the test subjects of the wizards who were redoubling their efforts to figure out a way to kill them. And I'm pretty sure they don't get fed anymore. Clearly, wizard magic has advanced greatly since the 18th century - and dementor magic hasn't advanced or hasn't advanced enough - so now they do not need to fear a powerful retaliation from the dementors if they take them away from Azkaban and don't feed them.))

Letters of a Dementor

((These are hypothetical letters that 12-6 writes to the folks back at Azkaban during the times it wasn't there. I still have no idea how they could be delivered; I mean, I doubt any owls would touch a dementor with a ten-meter pole))

June 1, 1993

It's scorching and most of us have headaches. We're standing outside the gates when Black has already appeared in the castle twice. It's ridiculous!

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