"I blame Armando for this idea." [Gets out of car as quickly as he can]
Al: "I'll take that as a 'no.'"
Armando [randomly]: "I like pie."
The "prospectors" are seen riding bicycles towards a "gold-digging spot" (scenery improvised). All 3 of them get off their bikes once they reach their destination. "Armando" takes out a car alarm and clicks it to "lock" the bikes. Then, the alarm (actually that of a nearby car's) goes off.
["Armando" freaks out and panickingly clicks the alarm again]
Al [scratches back with shovel absentmindedly]: "When are we gonna dig for gold?"
Armando [shrugs]: "We could do it right now." [Starts picking nose]
Bob [takes "Armando's" hand away from his nose]: "Do that again and you're fired." [Walks away]
Armando [gasps; follows "Bob"]: "No! You can't fire me! I have 3 kids! 3 kids!"
Al [follows both]: "Armando, basketballs that you hide underneath your shirt do not count as 'kids.'"
The "prospectors" are "digging" for gold. "Armando" is singing loudly and off-key (whatever song pops into his head).
Armando: "Found any gold yet?"
Bob: "Nope. The only things I've found are an old taco...a cell-phone that for some reason still works...and a random bottle of Fabreeze."
Al [grabs Fabreeze from "Bob"]: "Hey, chicks dig guys who smell tidy, o.k.?" [Sprays himself with Fabreeze; sticks tongue out at "Bob"]
["Armando" sings even more annoyingly]
Al and Bob [together]: "Not now, Armando!"
Armando [stops singing]: "You've got no music in your souls, dudes."
Al: "Just figure out which direction we're supposed to go, o.k.?"
Armando: "O.K." [Takes an iPhone--or regular phone or iPod Touch, whichever--out] "To the right." [Points to the right, walks in that direction]
Al: "Where'd you get that iPhone?"
Armando: "My mom's closet. Why?"
Al: "Just wondering."
Meanwhile, a "blind guy" (played by Waffle) is walking through a trail when he suddenly bumps into "Bob's" bike.
Blind Guy: "AAAAAHHH!! SNAKE!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!"
"The Blind Guy" freaks out and starts whacking "Bob's" bike with a walking stick. To finish the job, he throws "Al's" bike on top of it. Then, he feels around for "the exit" and notices "Armando's" bike.
Blind Guy: "Ooooh, a free bike!"
"The Blind Guy" gets on the bike and rides away. Once he's ridden a reasonable distance, he "crashes" and "skinks" himself.
Blind Guy [whimpering]: "Mother-flower! Oh, yowch that hurts. Icepack..."
Mean-meanwhile, the 3 prospectors are following the "iPhone's" map app to the treasure. A group of "bandits" (played by Christopher Nolan, Dr. Seuss, Samuel Clemens, Danny Phantom, and Indiana) armed with squirt guns is watching them from behind some trees.
["Bandit #4" sneezes]
Armando: "Bless you."
Bandit #4: "Thanks." [Puts face in hands stupidly] "D'oh!"
["The Bandits" squirt at "The Prospectors"]
Bob [panicking and flailing arms wildly]: "Let's get out of here!"
"The Prospectors" run away in terror, with "Al" screaming like a girl.
"The Prospectors" are still running and screaming. They come to a stop as soon as they get to the place where their wrecked bikes are. "Armando" points at the bikes and screams even more. He runs to the camera and screams, then "faints."
Al: "So, now what do we do? We can't get the treasure with those bandits on our tail."
Bob: "Yes, we can. Besides, I have no tail." [Walks off with arms folded and nose in the air]
Al [following "Bob" a little madly]: "I'm gonna whoop your tail if you keep on being so dang literal."
1 moment later, "Armando" wakes up, looks around, and finds that his friends are gone.
Armando: "Where did everyone go? Hello? Am I dead? Hello? Anybody?"
"The Prospectors" are seen walking towards a creek with shovels in their hands.
Bob: "Alright, let's get diggin'."
Armando: "Do you mean 'dig' as in 'dig a hole,' or 'dig' as in..." [Puts sunglasses on, does hip-hop pose with arms folded across chest]
Bob [staring at "Armando" in disapproval]: "Just start digging."
And so, "The Prospectors" dig, and "dig," and "dig," and "dig," and "dig," until finally...
Al: "I found it!"
[Holds metal treasure chest up]
["Armando" sings "hallelujah" over and over again]
["Al" and "Bob" look at "Armando" awkwardly]
Armando [stops singing]: "Sorry."
Suddenly, "The Bandits" show up, surround "The Prospectors," and aim their squirt guns at them.
Bob [muttering]: "Anyone asks, this was all Al's fault."
Al: "Gotcha. Wait, what?"
Armando: "Don't worry, guys; I've got this." [Approaches "Bandit #1;" speaks a bunch of random gibberish]
["Bandits #4" and "#5" look at each other]
Bandit #1 [checking cell-phone]: "This is taking too long; I've already missed the first 15 minutes of The Ridiculousness. Let's get them!"
["The Bandits" cheer and start chasing "The Prospectors"]
"The Prospectors" are hiding behind a big tree near the creek.
Al: "We've gotta do something, guys. I have the feeling that the screenwriter's running out of ideas."
Bob: "O.K. As long as it's not something dumb or cheesy, like Armando's singing."
Armando: "Singing? O.K.!"
[Runs towards "The Bandits"]
Bob: "No, I--" [Puts face in hands] "We're doomed."
Al: "I want my mommy."
Meanwhile, "The Bandits" encircle "Armando." Just when it seems to be the end, "Armando" starts singing in a loud, ear-shattering note, which causes "Bandit #3" to faint. "Bandit #2" proves to be unable to stand "Armando's" terrible "singing." Holding his hands over his ears in a useless attempt to block out the noises, he runs across the creek, turns left, and runs out of sight, screaming all the while. "Bandit #4," with a "weirded-out" look on his face, starts walking "offstage" to the right, twitching all the while. "Bandit #5" runs to the street, yelling for a taxi.
Bandit #1 [walks right up to the camera]: "That's it. I quit. I'm tired of being involved in piece-of-junk movies like this."
["Tips" camera, walks away]
A passerby (played by Senor Campbell) comes, positions the camera upright, and stands directly in view of the lens.
Passerby [waving]: "Hi, Mom!"
5 months later...
"Bob" is relaxing on a piece of furniture in the bedroom of a "mansion" with sunglasses on.
"John," the butler (played by Indiana) comes into the room.
John: "You called, sir?"
Bob: "Get my paycheck from the director. And check the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes."
John: "Right away, sir." [Leaves the room]
Just then, "Al" comes in the room wearing a fancy robe.
Al: "You'll never guess what, Bob. They have a hot-tub so big that it takes up a whole room! And it comes with snazzy robes!"
Then, "Armando" comes running into the room holding a bar of soap in each hand.
Armando: "Guys, this mansion is so big that I got lost trying to find the closet! In fact, I'm still lost. Where the Heck am I? Anyway, there are free mints in the bathroom!" [Holds up bars of soap, smiles]
Al and Bob [together]: "That's soap, Armando."
"The Blind Guy" walks quietly into the room.
Blind Guy: "Am I at the credits yet?"
Bob [sits up, takes sunglasses off]: "Who the--would you get out of here!?"
Blind Guy [groping for the exit]: "Sorry, Mr. What's-Your-Buckets, but the movie's already over. End-tag's on the closet door, as a matter of fact."
[Camera moves around to face the closet door, where an end-tag has indeed been posted]
Bob: "AW! DANG IT!"
Al: "Stupid movie in-jokes!"
Casted, directed, and written by: Tanner Schnabel
(The guy responsible for this movie's corny jokes...isn't with us anymore)*
Produced by: Michael Peck, George Lucas*
Videographer: same guy who produced it
NOTE: IF YOU CALL THIS FILM'S HUMOR "CUTE," THEN YOUR TICKETS ARE OFFICIALLY FREE. WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY MONEY THAT YOU TOUCHED.
Executive producers: Colton Simkins, Abe Nickel, Chris Hill I
This film is a work-of-fiction. Any similar, real-life incidents involving 3
crazy special guys hunting for treasure while being chased by a group of bandits and pestered by a deluded, blind guy is a mere indication that you need to lay off the cocaine.
Rated PG for "bad acting, corniness, and, apparently, being on the rating system's bad side."
Colton Davis as John, Bandit #5
Jesus as Bandit #2
Spencer Schroath as Bob
Billy Valadez as Armando
Lone Star as Al
Tanner Schnabel as The Blind Guy
Kyle Campbell as The Passerby
Chris Hill II as Bandit #1
Sammy Valadez as Bandit #3
Daniel as Bandit #4
Copyright January 2013 by Peck Productions. Copying without permission is strictly prohibited. Besides, why would you want to copy off of US? We can barely pass 1 scene without cracking a corny joke, for crying out loud!
The fourth wall is practically IN RUINS now...
Morales of the story (pick one):
1. Movies should NOT be written by self-styled "crazy" guys who'll do anything for a laugh
2. It's impolite to chase people with squirt guns
3. Never continue writing films if you're running out of ideas
4. Don't be "dippy" like Armando is
5. Don't ride bicycles if you're blind
6. Never use the same jokes over and over again
7. This movie is probably not going to have a sequel
8. Teasing yourself is fun
9. When writing the script for a film, make sure to meet "deadlines" or else your mom will kick your butt, VERBALLY and maybe even PHYSICALLY.